Procrastination

Procrastination has taken on a new meaning in medical school. I used to think that procrastination was substituting a desired activity for a mundane or necessary task. Reading a magazine instead of doing the dishes. Getting a pedicure (and reading a magazine) instead of grocery shopping. But that's not an option any more. Now I procrastinate by doing those mundane and necessary tasks that keep life running. Like setting up bill pay for my new internet provider. Sending my brother a birthday present. Researching local running groups. That's what I did today in lieu of: listening for five minutes during Biochem; spending my ten minute break between classes previewing the lecture; researching good examples of Motivational Interviewing online.

And so what am I doing right now? Procrastinating, I suppose. Trying to make a little sense of this whirlwind by "talking it out." I am used to being busy. In my old life (which seems so far away, despite the fact that I was a regular working stiff until just two months ago), I woke up at 0700 to lift weights, studied, cooked, went to class, went to work. Usually all in the same day. And tumbled into bed at midnight and did it all over again in the morning. But, I used my brain in different ways, I had responsibilities, I fit into the societal fabric more intricately. This busy-ness is a different beast. My first week of studying from morning coffee to goodnight meditation was exhausting in an entirely new way. It all seems a bit more manageable on Day 13 and I imagine this trend will continue. I'll keep you posted.

One down, 198 more to go.

On Friday I made my first incision. I was absolutely terrified leading up to Anatomy lab, terrified that I would faint or do something stupid or realize that I was in the wrong place and that I shouldn't have spent the last four years (10, 20?) of my life on this path. And up until the moment that I picked up the scalpel I felt lightheaded and worried. And then I made that cut and realized that I was in exactly the right place.

What an amazing gift we have all been given, to study the body in sickness and health, life and death. I will try not to forget how lucky I am, even when I am exhausted and frustrated and confused over the next four years. I am resurrecting this blog and keeping the name, because while I used to plan my day around cooking and eating, now I have 18 hours per day to cram as much information as possible into my head. And that's going to take some planning. So here's to surviving the first week, and looking forward to the next 198.